I have a hell of a hard time controlling my emotions some times. Well, I probably only have a hard time controlling two emotions: “fuck it” and “fuck you”. (Sorry for the language, I have been in New York.)
Just this week one of my friends jokingly said that my problem is that I take things too seriously. I seem to recall hearing that before, but I can’t quite remember where. Too some degree it is true. I can be very passionate about what I do. One result of that is that I also tend to take the response to what I do very personally.
Ironically, my passion has been an asset in my career, but emotion rarely is. This is especially true when my tendency is towards aggressive or dismissive emotions. For me, the counter to emotion is patience. I learned this from working with my Dad as a business partner. A few years ago he stressed the importance of making changes when it is convenient for us, which is just enough to counter my tendency to act while the tension is high.
The tension was high for me this week. I definitely felt like reaching for either of my two readily available emotions. I am hoping neither was conveyed unintentionally. Like I said, it is hard for me to keep those two in check.
Having said that, there are times when it is appropriate to go with “fuck you”. Then there are those times when it is both appropriate and convenient. Oh how I cherish those times.
Growing up I was prodded to show my emotions more. Somehow showing anger didn’t fit that need. To this day I have a hard time sharing emotions other than excitement and anger. Part of me thinks that I try so hard to communicate without emotion that it is harder for people to understand me. I think I am very clear and precise, yet I often feel misunderstood.
Anywho, it has been a long 12 days on the road. About day 7 I was starting to get really tired of this travelling shit. I am worn the fuck out and I don’t care who knows it. (whoops, there goes that “fuck it” emotion slipping out). Tonight I am unexpectedly going to Nashville thanks to 75mph wind gusts in Chicago. Tomorrow I go to St Louis to give a presentation on some software I really don’t like at the moment. Then I am home tomorrow night. I leave for the east coast again on Sunday night. and so on and so on. For as long as I can.
I have got a good thing going, but like any job, it has it’s hard times.
